My EFT Journey
When I first discovered tapping, I was sceptical but intrigued.
I decided to give EFT a go, figuring that at that point in my life, I really didn’t have anything to lose. My business was failing, I was in a lot of debt, my anxiety was through the roof and I felt so alone.
But not only that, I had a LOT of baggage…
Homelessness, depression, alcohol addiction, debt, childhood trauma, infertility, health problems…the list goes on. You can imagine how much negative energy I had stuck in my body! I had tried moreorless every healing modality I knew about at that time and some things did help a little, but then I’d go back to old negative patterns and the cycle would start again.
But when I started using EFT, something shifted. A light went on. It was a light of possibility and hope.
In the interests of transparency, it has taken me a long time to work through my own pain using the EFT personal peace procedure and I have had help from practioners and coaches (even coaches need coaches!) to help me get to where I am now.
My life is not perfect…I am not 100% ‘fixed’.. but I am calmer, more confident and feel freer than ever before, all from tapping.
The Calmpreneur Approach
Calmpreneurs have a heart-centred approach to doing business.
Heart-centred means different things to different people, but to me it means working with passion and purpose; making a big impact with your business, no matter how big or small!
You want to make a difference to the lives of others, to have an impact in the world and be financially abundant so that you can give back in some way.
Business doesn’t need to be stressful and chaotic, it should feel easy and calm.
The world doesn’t need another carbon copy entrepreneur; you need to be you! Once you let go of impostor syndrome and feeling not good enough, you’ll realise how much more confident and calm you’ll feel.
Swap the hustle and grind for freedom and flow, be transparent and authentic on social media and realise that it’s ok to rest and have time off.
I’m a 70’s child which means I remember things like only having 3 channels on the tele, £1 notes and etch-a-sketch!
My childhood was chaotic due to my Dad’s alcohol addiction. I remember having to pack all my things up into a black bin liner when I was about 8 because we were being evicted by the council for not paying rent arrears. Thankfully a kind wealthy couple in our village, who my dad had done some odd jobs for, offered to pay it for us on the day we were due to leave.
We frequently ran out food and electric – “Mum! The leccy’s gone again!” we’d shout as the house was plunged into darkness. As a kid it was actually quite exciting to sit around in the dark with only candlelight to rely on. I was often sent down the the local shop to put stuff ‘on tick’ – another 70’s/80’s thing.
Being the eldest girl, I loved playing mum to my 3 younger brothers. I have lovely memories of making mud pies in the garden, picking apples and blackberries, going to the stream to catch tadpoles, cycling round the village and building dens.
Eventually we got some support. A neighbour reported my parents to the NSPCC, and although the drinking didn’t stop, we had a social worker to support the family.
My dad died aged 50 from alcohol related illnesses. I was frustrated he couldn’t overcome his addiction but since learning about the impact of trauma, I realise he was numbing the pain of being abandoned by his mother as a baby.
If you’ve been affected by alcohol addiction in childhood, visit the charity NACOA (National Association for Children of Alcoholics) who raise awareness of the issues facing children and adults who’ve grown up with an alcoholic parent. Read my own story here.
My mum left my dad when I was about 14, but the family ended up splitting as my 2 eldest brothers wanted to stay with my dad. I was relieved to be away from the chaos but I was stepping into more upheaval as we didn’t have anywhere to live and I missed my 2 middle brothers terribly. The council wouldn’t rehouse us as it was deemed we made ourselves intentionally homeless, so we ended up living in a tent for a few weeks and then a caravan for a few months. I was fortunate to have an outreach teacher come to the caravan to tutor me a few times.
We finally got housed in various B&B’s, which although weren’t great (we had to be out of the house after breakfast and then couldn’t return until 4pm) it was a roof over our heads. After a few months were housed in a flat. Mum went on to have another son with her partner – my 4th and final sibling.
I completed my schooling, scraping through with a few GCSE’s to my name and went straight out to work when I was 16.
Over the next few years I had various jobs, ranging from retail to factory work. I lived and worked in London for a short time until I met my husband at age 21. We were together for 7 years before getting married in 2001 in Mombasa, Kenya.
We’d been together for a couple of years when my husband was diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis (CF). He has a different genetic combination than many sufferers and wasn’t diagnosed until adulthood, which is unusual as it’s usually picked up within a year of birth.
He’d had various lung related conditions over the years, but it wasn’t until he saw a locum GP who put two and two together, suspected CF, and sent him off to see a specialist. I think I was in complete denial to start with, we both were, and didn’t realise what a huge impact it would have on us.
Having CF, and later also being diagnosed with bone degeneration and fibromyalgia, means my husband has a strict daily medical routine. When he’s really poorly it can be challenging for us all, but I’m thankful to have flexibility in my business so I can be there for my family.
Becoming a Mother
After we’d been together for a few years, my partner and I decided we wanted to start a family. I’d always wanted to have children in my twenties and with us both being from larger families, we were keen to have 3 or 4 children…or maybe more!
But life doesn’t work out as you expect it. After a few years with no happy news to share, we discovered we couldn’t have children naturally. People would tell us to go on holiday, just relax, or stop trying, because then it would happen but unfortunately there was no chance of conceiving naturally.
If you’ve experienced infertility, you will know how much it takes over your life. We spent over £25,000 on various procedures and missed out on so much because we were either saving money, or I was a hormonal wreck and couldn’t bear to be around pregnant women or friends with babies. It was awful and I hated feeling that way.
Finally, after over 7 failed cycles, I got pregnant and in 2005 I had my first child, a baby boy. I’d mentally prepared for a serene (ha ha!) birthing experience but it ended up being a back-to-back labour and was a stressful 37 hours long. It was quite apparent after he was born that he was struggling to breathe and and he was rushed to special care. I remember asking the doctor if he’d make it and she said “I don’t know” – it felt like the bottom of my world had dropped out. Over the next few days they found out he’d born with pneumonia but thankfully, after fantastic NHS care, he got better and we were able to bring him home.
Eighteen months later we had fertility treatment for baby #2; sadly the first attempt ended in miscarriage but we tried again and our daughter was delivered by elective C-section, beautifully pink and healthy, in 2007.
Not long after that, we chucked in our jobs and moved house to bring our children up by the sea, and we’re still here now.
We tried for a third baby but sadly it wasn’t to be. It took a while to let go of the dream, but of course I am incredibly grateful to have 2 amazing kids.
My unusual tendencies were probably the first memory I have of struggling with mental illness. What I now know to be anxiety and O.C.D. started when I was about 3 years old with me spitting into stacking cups because I developed a fear of swallowing.
When I was 5, I started picking off balls of fluff from blankets and shoving them up my nose. My parents had to call out the doctor because I couldn’t breathe. I’m sure they were pretty surprised when he inserted tweezers into my nostrils and I sneezed out fluff!
Later I developed more unusual habits such as being obsessed with things dying and having to touch my alarm clock every night to keep people and pets ‘safe’.
As a teen, I self-harmed as a release and a way of dealing anger and frustration. I had frequent suicidal thoughts, and still to this day they sometimes crop up (usually a sign that I’m not managing stress and anxiety) although I use CBT techniques to deal with them.
In my 20’s and 30’s I went through bouts of depression and was prescribed anti-depressants which I took without a second thought. I numbed anxiety with diazepam and alcohol.
Being diagnosed with PTSD in my 40’s came as a shock; but finally I knew exactly WHAT was wrong and that came as a big relief. I knew why I was hyper-vigilant all the time, why I had so many strong emotional reactions and why I had been on self-destruct mode for so long; it suddenly all made sense.
For years I used alcohol to numb emotional pain; I used it to relax, to help me sleep and to help me deal with everyday problems.
Every weekend I would drink wine, without fail. I became more sensible about my drinking as I got older, but would still struggle to know when it was time to stop, often getting irked when I knew it was time to go bed. I was never a person who could have ‘just the one’. More and more frequently the drinking would spill into week nights. There would always be an excuse – bad day, good day, hot day, stressful day, sad day, birthday etc. I remember coming home in the car after being out all day and frantically thinking what food we ‘needed’ so that I had an excuse to stop at the supermarket and pick up a bottle of wine.
Although I never drank in the day and had a few alcohol free nights a week, I knew it was becoming a problem. I’d started to feel guilty the morning after a night of drinking and felt dread in the pit of my stomach.
Giving up was really tough, but I did it, and found a clarity I never knew before. I think it was the catalyst which made me re-assess my whole life and business.
I started my first business in direct sales back in 2008 which I still run passively online via my online eCommerce store and existing customer base.
Since then, I’ve had a fair few failures, mainly in direct selling/network marketing which I’m not ashamed of; I think it’s just part of the process. I’d probably be too embarrassed to share all the mistakes I’ve made though, especially this one weight loss company which felt more like being in a cult – gulp!
One of my first successes was with a blog called Work for Mums and then later on a similar site called Mum & Career. Both sites are community based sites for parents/carers looking to work flexibly or start a business.
In 2016 a won Pitman Traning ‘Super Achievers’ Working Mum of the Year award for my work and have also been in the MumsClub Top 100 women in business.
Calmpreneur, my passion project and dream business, was founded in 2018.
One really positive aspect of being involved with direct sales was the importance put on self-development and my first introduction to this was through the work of Jim Rohn.
It took me a while to realise the importance of mindset and I’ll be honest, I wore my victim-hood and sense of self-pity for years before I finally realised the only person who could change things, was me.
“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results” – Albert Einstein
You might be able to relate to looping…doing exactly the same things, in the same way, and wondering “why me? – why is this not working?!”
I am so grateful for discovering Emotional Freedom Technique; it empowered me to make changes in my life.
Certifications, Qualifications & CPD
- NVQ4 Adult Teaching & Learning
- NVQ3 in Advice & Guidance
- Psychology A-Level (adult education)
- Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) Tapping Practitioner Diploma
- Life Purpose Coach Diploma
- Joe Vitale approved Belief Clearing Practitioner (limiting beliefs)
- Natural Mindfulness Forest Therapy Guide
- Mental Health First Aider (MHFA England)
- Trauma & the Body – Somatisation and Disassociation (6 CPD hours)
- Trauma, the Brain & Recovery (6 CPD hours)
- Outset Business Startup training
- Mindfulness for Anxiety & Sleep with Tara Brach
- Understanding self-harm (Mind)
- Life experience – priceless!
A Calmer Kind of Life
After experiencing burnout, I committed to do everything I could to reduce anxiety and live a calmer life.
My life looks a lot calmer now, but like most people, I still have off days!
The things which help me to stay mentally healthy now are; EFT tapping, walking in nature, journaling, routine, yoga, listening to my body, mindfulness and meditation, making time for friends, being more aware of my thoughts, reading, learning, affirmations and visualisation.
And also taking time out to just ‘be’. I rest and do nothing sometimes. I work smarter. I say “No” more often. I set boundaries.
It’s really tough to keep this up sometimes, especially if I’m tired or feeling overwhelmed, but I am self-disciplined enough to know that if I don’t do these things, then I am more prone to anxiety; they are part of my non-negotiable self-care routine.
Bringing tapping into my life as a business owner has been a gamechanger for me. It’s helped me grow in so many ways and I love sharing the benefits with others.
I believe that human connection is fundamental to good mental health – no one should ever feel alone and I hope my story helps you realise that you aren’t.